I am not counter-cultural. This was once an issue. 

I love to go thrifting. I love to browse TikTok before bed. I cannot get the word “slay” to stop flowing from my mouth at work. I love being a member of gen-z. Nothing bad so far. I love Jesus. I worship God, three-in-one, the Prince of Peace, King of Kings, the Great I AM. But I am not counter-cultural. 

Wait. Worshipping God, being a Bible-believing person is counter-cultural in itself, right? Doesn’t our culture- coming from the United States, but also widely western- flee farther and farther from the Lord everyday?

Yes. 

Then why are you not counter-cultural?

American, western culture is not what I’m talking about. Friend, I am a product of the American, social media preached, Christian generation. If you were to write my life on paper and stick in a stack with the rest of the members of the new Christian culture you would not be able to distinguish me from the rest. 

Wait, do you mean thrifting and TikTok and “slay” are bad? 

No, lol (can you say lol in a blog post?). Let me go back and explain. 

In the summer of 2022 I formed a bad habit. That summer I really dove into the Word of God. I formed the GREAT habit of reading my Bible everyday. These quiet times would last hours most days. I would deeply, and though I didn’t know it at the time, exegetically, study Old Testament texts and at least three Psalms a day. My every thought was consumed with who God was, what he had done, and what he would do. I was kinder, more fun to be around.

But this quickly went away. Like a drop of water in a pan of hot oil, I burned fast and loud and was gone in an instant. I would find myself apathetic to the idea of rigorous study, found the idea of the Old Testament wooden and tiring. So, naturally, like any nineteen year old, I would get on Instagram and find myself watching Reels. As someone who follows a lot of christian-stuff, most of the Reels were sermon clips, worship leaders, day-in-the-life of homeschool moms who teach the Bible at every meal and moment. All edifying and encouraging, all Biblical and beautiful, if not a little convicting. After a while of watching these Reels I found motivation to read- study- the Bible again. I found myself in a cycle of using other people’s faith, or, the faith they presented online, as my motivation for reading the Bible. 

Because of this, I found using the Christianese language all of us in the Church tend to use. I started to dress like my favorite worship leaders and Christian content creators. But the worst of it was what I mentioned just above: I found myself in a cycle of using other people’s faith, or, the faith they presented online, as my motivation for reading the Bible. 

It was not inherently bad I had morphed further into gen-z online Christian culture. It was not wrong that I developed a love for thrifting or sending TikToks to my friends or following Christian pages on Instagram or listening to the newest indie Christian artist. None of those things were wrong, none of them are wrong- I still enjoy all of them today. But I found myself relying on aesthetics of faith rather than faith itself. 

The Bible became a thing to be studied so I could say the right thing, post the right verse, and be deemed wise by friends. The Bible was not the Holy, living, breathing word of God. Studying the Word became the tool I used to communicate the way I thought was “cool”. Obviously this is wrong. Obviously I was incorrect. Now I understand that studying the Word is how God communicates to me, to the Church. 

It is hard to explain the aesthetics of online Christian culture to those who don’t immediately know what it is. If you follow any large church in any large city, you know. (Not knocking large churches here, don’t worry). If you follow any Christian speaker from any large conference, you know. (Not knocking speakers or conferences, don’t worry). In millennial and gen-z eyes there seems to be something holy about earth tones, an impassioned voice, and patchwork tattoos. (Just know I’m knocking any of these things from now on, okay?). These things are not unholy, these things just are. And isn’t that what culture is made up of, things that just are? The danger here is when we believe more in the aesthetics of Christ followers more than Christ himself. 

I have a fear that I and others have devoted more of ourselves to looking Christian, sounding Christian, acting Christian than actually being a Christian, actually being a “little Christ”. That summer I relied more on the faith and, truthfully, the aesthetics of others more than letting the active Word of God push me to hunger for more of it. I neglected to understand Hebrews 4:12, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (ESV). 

I hope you can see my most fatal flaw that summer, and the most fatal flaw I still fall into now. I failed to pray. I failed to ask God to give me a heart and hunger for his Word. Without his guidance, I was left to lift a burden only the Lord could carry. When we go to Lord we will never go without- including never going without a desire for his Word if we ask of it. Christ himself says so directly in John 6:35, “Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (ESV).

I was living on the frail aesthetics and borrowed prayers of those around me and online. I was not delighting in the Word myself or, even, delighting in the Lord myself. I was fixated on the shadow of Christ I was seeing cast around other saints rather than Christ in his full glory in front of me.

 For the longest time I conformed to Christian culture. I neglected to conform to Christ. 

So, about me not being counter-cultural. I’m still not. I fall into the scopes of what Christian culture has melded into today. But here’s the key difference: I don’t rely on the aesthetics of others, the prayers or impassioned speeches of others. I rely on the one, true, living God. I may not look countercultural on the outside, but I am in the soul, in the spirit. When I first believed Jesus was king of my heart I stepped outside of a culture of fear and death and into a culture of peace and light. Dwelling within the new culture only crumbled when I thought of other people as the doorway to the culture, not Christ. Further, when I thought of the culture as the goal, not Christ. 

Did I mean to behold an aesthetic instead of the Lord? No. Did I mean to live on borrowed passions and prayers? No. Did I know I was living that way at the time? No, I thought God was being quiet. 

I didn’t mean to or know where the seeds of my indifference and struggle started, didn’t mean to or know I was watering them well. 

I only write this as a warning: don’t rely on the aesthetics or prayers or passions of others, both online or in real life, to motivate you towards the Lord. Build each other up, yes. Keep each other accountable, yes. But if we only rely on others and ourselves to live we shout hollow words into the voids of the world that desperately need to be filled with the truth of Christ. When we rely utterly and totally on Christ, Christian culture becomes rich, lives become impacted, and hearts change for the better. When we rely utterly and totally on Christ we step into the whole point of life- to dwell with Christ.