Sin still stings closed wounds. The blood of Jesus is a healing salve. 

This is something I have learned in my ten years of being a child of God. It shocked me at the beginning, and often still does, the burn of sin. The roiling turmoil, the churning guilt and shame that seep through my human nature when I’ve done wrong, thought askew, gossiped, lied, degraded, hurt, pained, betrayed, etc. I have been bought and sealed by the blood of Jesus- why am I still sinning? And further: why does it hurt like it never has before? 

When I stepped into a relationship with Jesus, I was twelve years old. I sat in my bedroom, my mom by my side, and repented, believed, and confessed Jesus as my savior. In a moment, I was changed: dead now alive, blind now can see, orphan now adopted. A radical and eternal change in the most mundane of moments. Not comprehending in totality the weight, the ins and outs, the labor that faith can seem to have and be, I coasted through the confession. I thought that sin would be no more, and if it was there, I wouldn’t feel any guilt or shame. After all, I had Jesus in my heart, and I went to church every week, multiple times a week. That should do it, right? 

But those who know my story know this was not the case. My life didn’t get hard and scary until after I knew the Lord. I was quickly racked with mental health issues, had to navigate friends who didn’t know the Lord, idols I had placed in my life. Suddenly, I found myself at the age of eighteen, hitting a standstill: I had Jesus in my heart, I could feel the Holy Spirit’s pull every moment, and yet I was empty, plastic, hollow. 

“How does this occur? Where are you, God? Why haven’t you stopped me from ruining my own life?” – Real questions I screamed from the top of my lungs at the pinnacle of this pain. 

There is something I know now I did not know then: I was staring into the face of the fall. This is a stark reality for the lover of Christ. We are redeemed, made new, an eternal and infinite creation destined to one day walk with the Lord in the perfected New Earth. And yet, we are still sitting in the center of sin. My human nature, marred by fleshly desires and selfish ambition, is at the forefront of who I am. Of course I will sin. Of course pain will come. Of course I shouldn’t, but of course I will. I am weak, I cannot operate in the way God intended. If I could, what would be the need for Christ? 

The reality and inevitability of sin do not negate my responsibility, though. It is me who chooses to gossip. It is me who chooses to lie, steal, and destroy. This is why the work of Jesus is so radical. I destroyed myself. I gave up on myself. I, me, myself. 

BUT GOD.

How beautiful.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” Ephesians 2:4-9, ESV

There is a beautiful theological principle every child of God should behold: Already, not yet. Simply, we are already saved into the kingdom of God, active members, yet the Kingdom will not reach its full expression until Jesus comes again. This theological idea submits that God’s kingdom is both right now and in the future. Both concrete and spiritual. Christian, delight in this! Read it again. Sense the weight and standing of this. The reality-shaping, life-defining principle. We live and are active members of the kingdom of God. And yet there is more to come. Better things to come. And at the same time, better things are already here. God the Father has already sent his son. Christ the Son has already saved humanity. God Holy Spirit already dwells within the soul of the believer. 

But how does this have to do with staring into the face of the fall? We live as redeemed beings, not by our own doing but by God’s, still marred by the pain of sin. This will never change until we either pass on or Christ comes back in our lifetime. As christians, we have to cling to this already. We cling to the reality and the effects of Christ’s work on the cross, the Father’s comfort, the Spirit’s indwelling now. It is crucial, imperative that we understand we LIVE in the grace of God. He will not take us, hide us under his wing. He already has. In the face of sin, we have to cling to the blood that has already been spilled, the death that was already defeated. We need to delight in all he has done, all he is currently doing. 

Side note: I am sitting in a coffee shop I have never been to before as I write this. I have seen six people in this small space reading, discussing, and praying through the scriptures. As I write about the grace of God, I am smiling like a mad woman. The Spirit is entrenched in this small space filled with worship and scents of coffee beans. Do not miss the kingdom, we are everywhere. 

And yet, there is more to come. Let’s let that sink in. Think of the first time you stood in a room during a worship service and you physically felt the Holy Spirit. Remember when he punched your gut, or stirred a fire, or wove peace into your bloodstream. When you felt the very presence of God. While this is the reality now, it will be magnified beyond comprehension when the kingdom of God reaches full fulfilment. Hear me, brother or sister: we are sitting in nothing but a peek of the things to come. The pain we feel now, gone in a moment’s time. The sin we’re pulled to, forgotten in an instant. Hallelujah. Praise be to God. What a gift we have and will receive. 

I’ve chosen to write this very post because I feel creation groaning. Do you? Do you look around, like I, and feel the pain of God’s very own in your gut? Your own pain? Are you tired? Weary? Anxious? Depressed? Can’t see a way out? Stuck? Empty? Plastic? Hollow?

Have you screamed at the Lord at the top of your lungs? 

Let this truth prop you up: Sin still stings closed wounds. Jesus’ blood is a healing salve. 

Cling to the already, yearn for the not yet. Fight, pray, lament, praise, worship deeply, freely, with abandon. 

Cling to the cross, sit at your savior’s feet. Be washed with the blood. 

Hallelujah. Hosanna to God in the highest.