Passage: Romans 5:1-11

It really is my fault. 

The sin. 

This is not something I want to admit. 

I want to blame it on the Fall. I want to refer to the Fall as some fabled story, I want to use it to explain everything I’ve ever done, or said, or thought that goes directly against God’s will. I want to explain away my jokes, the movies and shows I watch with veiled statements about being bought and sealed. But do I even know what that means on a soul level? Do you? 

I want to pretend I am as steady in faith as many think I am. She’s in vocational ministry, she has to be a rock of faith, right? I want to pretend I read my Bible everyday without fail. I want to pretend. 

I want to do these things. And I do them all. 

I confess. I repent. Truthfully.

At risk of sounding holier-than-thou, at risk of blatant hypocracy, I have a confession: I often find myself under the working belief that who I was before Christ is so far gone that I could never become that again. Who I was before wasn’t real, in a sense, because I’ve come so far with Christ.

There are many uncomfortable things with this honest confession. One of them being my need to caveat one thing before we continue- I don’t actively walk through life with this thought, but I definitely carry it in the burrows of my soul. Still, it’s there. 

I wonder if you noticed the other major flaw within my statement. Within the two sentences the word “I” is used four times, “Christ” is used twice. And isn’t this the way we all find ourselves operating in our day-to-day lives? I am the proprietor of all I do in a day, Christ is at the forefront of my thoughts about half the time. Probably even less if I was honest. I carry his morals, teachings, sentiments, yes. But Christ himself? I don’t even know. 

This is big. I know. But I’m hoping, just being honest, you do the same thing. Or, at least, that you understand where I’m coming from. 

I carry the things that a relationship with Jesus brings- both blessings and the crosses to bear- but I carry them on my own. In romanticizing how much Jesus has changed my life I fear I have forgotten him. 

And this petrifies me. And I want to blame it on my human nature. And this petrifies even more. 

But it really is my fault. 

This is not to say, of course, that every aspect of life is a lie or that I don’t love Jesus, or that I disrespect him by ministering, or anything of the sort. No, I know I live this life to the best of my ability. Follow Jesus to the best of my ability. 

But my ability isn’t good enough. It never was, isn’t now, and never will be. 

I, me, myself have sinned against the Holy of Holies, forgotten the King of Kings, run from the Prince of Peace. And for that I deserve a life unimaginable to the human mind. A life wholly separated from him. 

But I don’t have to endure that. I won’t have to endure that. I don’t endure it now. 

Because Jesus, the one I’ve forgotten so many times, saved me. Ransomed me. Loves me. 

And that’s NOT my fault. That’s his gift. 

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we also have obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:1-2, emphasis added).

THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. It is so simple. Yet it is so rich. It is only through Christ we have peace and hope and faith. I know you know this. I understand you’ve heard this a thousand times. But Christian hear this with fresh ears: there is nothing you have done or could have done or will do to achieve the life you lead. If the Holy Spirit dwells within your being then he is proprietor of all you do and have and cherish and believe in and rejoice in and, yes, even suffer. 

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us” (5:3-5).

Again, it isn’t I or you who produce this character BUT GOD (Ephesians 2:4). I fear we fell in love with the blessing and have forgotten the one who bestows. And this really is our fault. 

How do we, how do I move forward from this startling truth? 

Well first I think I need to change the question altogether. 

We’ll try this instead: What has Jesus already done to move us forward from this startling truth?

Because he’s already taken care of it. He took care of it upon the cross. 

“For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die— but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (v. 6-8, emphasis added).

Not only did Christ die on the cross to save us from the reality of pain and suffering and Hell, but Christ died on the cross for us while we were still sinners to show that he loved us beyond comprehension. He loved us so much he forsake any kind of earthly reason and died for a people who did not deserve even to be gazed upon- sinners. The mercies he bestows- forgoing Hell, peace, joy, eased pain, etc.- are byproducts of his love, of him. 1 John 4:7-21 tells us that God is love. In bearing his love out for us on the cross he bore the very essence of his being. 

Who am I, then, to settle for mere byproducts of the Lord of Lords rather than he himself who bore himself upon the cross for me? Who am I to hold the fickle bench marks of Christian faith in more esteem than the one whose body was mutilated for my transgressions? Who am I to think I have it together? Who am I?

Who am I? A sinner.

Who is he? The savior.

Yes, this is heavy, but the weight of sin has been taken care of. Death has been crushed. Darkness has been snuffed out. Lies have been exposed. Including mine. Including yours. The childish follies and whims we folly that have eternal significance have been carefully dissected leaving our bodies wholly intake. We are a new creation. We are new people.

Who am I? Redeemed. Forgiven. Chosen. Loved. Restored. Whole. 

Who is he? The savior. 

There is a powerful story in the Gospel of Mark that I think we, those of us who may struggle to behold, and really, believe. In Mark 9 we see a father whose son is marred by a spirit. This spirit ruined the boy’s life. It threw him on the ground, recoiled at the touch of another, hurt him, bruised him. The father had heard of Jesus, what he had done. The father asked the disciples but they were not able. The father brings the boy to Jesus. Then something incredible and convicting to our souls occurs:

“And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him [Jesus], immediately it convulsed the boy, and fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. And Jesus asked the father, ‘How long has this been happening to him?’ And he said, ‘From childhood… But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” (Mark 9:20-22)

Did you notice the differences in the reactions to Jesus? The spirit, the very antithesis of Jesus, writhed in pain, and- for lack of a better word- freaked out when it saw Jesus. Had Jesus done anything? Had he cast the spirit out yet? No. But the spirit saw Jesus and knew. The spirit knew it was unsafe in the presence of perfect goodness. The spirit knew it was unsafe in the presence of the King of Kings. Jesus didn’t have to do anything to prove who he was or what he could do in order to be understood and beheld for his true glory. Even if it was an evil spirit doing the understanding. 

The father, however, asks Jesus “If you can do anything..” (Mark 9:22). This is Jesus Christ we’re talking about. It is unwise and even foolish to assume the father did not know who Jesus was because we know Jesus’ reputation as a miracle worker and as the Son of God had infiltrated the land by this point. This man saw Jesus as a means to an end. Not the end himself. 

“And Jesus said to him, ‘If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.’ Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:23-24)

“I believe; help my unbelief.” Even though he saw Jesus as a tool to wield, though most likely not intentionally, he understood his faulty thinking. When was the last time I cried out to the Lord and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”. When was the last time you cried out to the Lord and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!”. We have prioritized the blessings of Jesus over Jesus himself. We have to cry out. 

How do I start to behold the bestower over the blessings? I have to cry out to the Lord and I simply have to look at who he is. He is the Christ. YHWH. King of Kings. Prince of Peace. Lion and Lamb. The great I AM. He who was and is and is to come. He is God the Father. He is God the Son. He is God the Holy Spirit. He is Jesus of Nazareth, the man who lived a sinless, perfect life who ministered to both the privileged and marginalized, who dined with sinners and celebrated with saints, who healed the sick and lame and deaf and blind, who died a sinner’s death, one he did not deserve, who had the name of every saint past, present, and future upon his soul as he died and rose again three days later defeating death, who met with the disciples, taught them everything they needed to know in order to give the future saints, us, holy word of God, so that we may know him as they knew him, who ascended into the heavens forty days later, who sits upon the throne as the angels cry “HOLY, HOLY”, who is coming again, who dwells in our very souls in this very moment. 

This. This is who we behold. Blessings and morals and even the crosses we bear, in comparison to Christ Jesus, are mere shadows of the glory of God. 

The sin. It really is my fault. 

The hope. All his doing. 

Who do you behold?

You cherish your relationship with the Lord. But do you cherish the Lord?

Do you see Jesus as a means to an end? Or is communing with him the end goal?

“Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (v. 9-11).